Jessica Alba Sexes Up The Cover of Some Sexy Magazine About Sex!

Oh, goodness; what's going on here? Jessica Alba would seem to have it all these days. A thriving movie career. A loving husband. An adorable daughter. So what's she doing in what appears to be a borderline porn mag?

The Fantastic Four actress serves as the cover girl for the March issue of Scarlet, which apparently is some kind of sexy sex magazine about sex. "Lube Me Tender"? "I Sell My Knickers Online"? "5 Hot Sexercises"? What the hell is a sexercise, and does it require some kind of specialized equipment? Wait, we don't want to know...

Alba doesn't reveal her favorite sexercise in the accompanying interview—nor does she divulge whether she sells her knickers online—but she does reiterate for about the millionth time that she'll never, ever appear naked on film, because apparently she hates us all:

“No, I’ll never do a nude scene. I can act sexy and wear sexy clothes but I can’t go naked. I think I was always very uncomfortable about the way my body developed, and I remember my grandmother would freak out and throw a towel over me if she saw me wearing just a bra and panties. I come from a very Catholic family so it wasn’t seen as a good thing to flaunt yourself like that. I can handle being sexy with clothes on but not with them off."